And so it is...

...Just like they said it would be.

Well, almost. So I feel very much settled into my new (former) way of life. I even find myself smiling about things that would have seriously pissed me off this time last year. Although I'm frowning about things I've never had to worry about before (note previous post). But that aside, it's shaping up to be a pretty good end of year. I'm even starting to regret my haste in booking flights over the holidays. If I'd have hung in there a little longer, I may have done something a little different this year. But two weeks at home will not go amiss. Not by a long shot.

So today I was 'visited' as a means of seeing if I'm doing my job properly. Whilst receiving constructive criticism like a real trooper and taking on board suggestions to improve the structure of my lessons, I was not in the slightest amused at having the content of what I've been teaching questioned. And so I rather literally imploded in the staff room at school today, telling the woman (who I had never met before, despite her being my "main contact") very calmly (whilst going demented inside) that what I had taught is actually what we say in English. And in response she said "Well in the grammar books I teach with, it says this..."

Maybe it's just because of what I learnt about for the Linguistics part of my course at uni, but having something written down in black and white doesn't mean in any way that what you see is what you get. It could be that you never got nor never will get what is written before your eyes. How many times was there a mistake in a grammar book at school? Rules change. Not overnight, but they change. Stupid woman today was clearly ignorant of that fact.

And there we have it. The dampener to a good week. And that one lemon too many that could make this month really bitter.

Roll on the holidays. At least then I'll be with people who speak the way I do. And not from the rules they learnt in a book.

Arrested Development

So... developments Toulon end: my second American flatmate is moving out. She has been extremely underhand and sneaky about it all, I have to say, saying one thing when I'm around and then another to everyone else. She made out to me that she couldn't afford to keep living in this apartment, to which I was sympathetic given my own low monetary funds since I stopped receiving my student loan. Then she proceeded to tell me that she found it difficult to live with me sometimes because I give the impression that I want to be on my own and not to be disturbed. I asked for examples of occasions when this had happened, after apologising and stressing that it was not an intentional action, to which she replied: "Well, mainly during the week when you get in from school." Now, excuse me if my blatancy is in overdrive here, but isn't it completely normal that I want an hour or two to myself after being at school all day, having got up at 6.30am, left the apartment at 7.30am and started teaching at 8.30am? Needless to say, I got rather upset that she was insinuating that it was my behaviour that was leading her to move out whilst maintaining to me that the main factor is financial.

I then found out days later that her reasons for leaving that she had given to everyone else were in fact what she insinuated to me. She led our French flatmate/landlord to believe that we had argued, which he found rather strange because he finds me quiet and pleasant to live with (according to his girlfriend). I was asked if I could think of anything other than the reason she had already given me that might have made her mad with me, but I couldn't think of anything. Then, on Friday evening, K (another assistant) came around and she, H (French flatmate's girlfriend) and I think we worked it out. Turns out that she first mentioned moving out while I was at home during the holidays at the beginning of this month - which was just after the "rooting through my personal effects" incident, which I thought had been sorted immediately. Clearly it wasn't. So rather than respect and accept my displeasure at her having invaded my privacy, she took that and multiplied it ten-fold in her mind to the point where she believes I'm in a bad mood all the time.

Naturally, I beg to differ. Yes, I was unhappy before going home for that break during the holidays. But I came back refreshed and with a much better outlook on my time here than I had on the outward journey. And I completely refuse to let her tell people otherwise - if she can tell other people that there is a problem, then she can tell me. I was totally oblivious to my 'unsociable' behaviour. After the DVD incident, she knew full well that I am the type of person that prefers to air my feelings in certain respects. She clearly cannot handle my blunt, direct nature. And that, I'm afraid, is her problem, not mine. I did all I could to make her feel welcome and help her settle in, despite my own unease at the beginning of this experience. My efforts were clearly wasted.

On the upside, this weekend I attended the belated birthday party of one of the assistants and had lots of fun. And then on Saturday, I went to a semi-belated Thanksgiving dinner and had lots of fun helping with cooking the meal and getting into the Christmas spirit. I say Christmas spirit, as the whole day was identical to what Christmas Day is going to be like at home. I can't wait. It reminded me of what I like about Christmas: being around family and friends, having a good time and feeling happy. I was starting to become cynical as to whether the spirit of Christmas still existed, but thanks to this Thanksgiving I'm certain that it does. Now we just need to abolish the commercialism of Christmas, then the festivities will really have meaning for everybody. In that respect, I'm jealous that the British people don't celebrate Thanksgiving.

Refreshment Best Served Cold

And so having cracked and spent a week at home, beyond all (my own) expectations I came back. Unfortunately, I have hit a new low. Gone are the days of entering random URLs and seeing what appeared on the computer screen. Now it's all about the refresh icon, and counting how many times I have to click on it for something to change.

Another way to put it is, send an email/facebook message, then refresh every minute to see how long it takes for the correspondent to reply. In my case, it's an eternity. Not that I'm not grateful for a reply per sé, but in my boredom I find myself cursing people for having lives which causes their delay in replying.

I need to get a life. That's all there is to it. I am lifeless - socially speaking. I assure you all that I am actually alive in a medical sense (i.e. I'm not speaking from beyond the grave). But being skint and living in an expensive place takes its toll. And it's a choice between refreshing the computer screen, watching MTV programmes dubbed badly in French or watching Sky News (which I discovered is now part of our digital TV package upon my return to French land yesterday). As you can probably tell from the above, I choose option 1. Option 3 comes a close second, but hearing about the horrible things happening in the world in my mother tongue just makes me sink lower into the hole I've dug for myself (read: the hole I've formed in my chair in front of my computer).

I just wish that someone would give me a kick up the bum and get me doing something that needs doing. Applications for permission to foray into the world of employed people following this (up to now harrowing) experience need to be completed. I haven't even entered my name on a single one. Not that I have more than one to complete at the moment. I dream of applying for six jobs, in the hope that at least one establishment will take me on.

Reality is, I'm just too happy to click Refresh. As you may be doing now in the hope that what you're reading suddenly turns into something interesting.

Save the world, and my bank balance at the same time

I'm not the biggest of environmentalists. Not at all. But I do use my common sense when it comes to enviromental issues. So silly pointless tasks like leaving the lights on when nobody's home and letting the water run while cleaning my teeth are just not done.

But these tasks are not seen to be quite so nonsensical to others. Apart from the monetary cost of leaving a light on for two hours while one goes into town, leaving the flat empty(albeit an energy saving light bulb, but it's the principle that matters here), there is the damage those two hours of wasted energy is having on the environment when there is no justification for it. Why light up a whole apartment for the amusement of passers-by outside? Let's create our own interpretation of the Blackpool Illuminations, each and every one of us.

It's all well and good to be shocked at the effects climate change is having on our planet, but acting to do something to attempt to counteract it has to be taken as seriously. I just find that many people who criticise energy waste etc. are the front-runners in terms of the size of their carbon footprint. When will they learn that putting glass bottles in a special bin does not equate to immediate action to save the planet?

Recycling is a long-term process; turning off the lights is in the here and now. How much does really it take to flick a switch and immerse a room in darkness?

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

To be in a country that I love, speaking a language that fascinates me and doing a job that gives me a great sense of satisfaction is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, I continue to be of the mindset that it's not enough.

My first week of teaching has gone really well. All my classes are enthusiastic, some much more than others, but they listen and they are learning. Already. To start with, they insisted that they knew not a single word of English, other than "hello", but come the end of the first lesson they had aready acquainted me with snippets of what they'd learnt last year from the previous assistant. That makes me feel good too, as it means I can build on what they know, and not teach the same thing eight times per week.

In addition to my first successful week of teaching here, there is my growing confidence in my French skills. I'm learning more and more each day about the culture of France. My vocabulary is building, and I even added the 'French Word of the Day' application on facebook. Sounds like a right cliché, but I've actually learnt a few words through that. Being called "une vraie pro" with regard to my oral French skills is also very much an ego-increasing element to my time here.

And let's not forget, I'm in a country where strike action is the norm for any employment dispute of any calibre - something that at some point this year will work in my favour, no doubt. Just as long as I'm not on an overnight train when an impromptu strike begins...

But for those three positive elements, there are two negatives (isn't there always?).

My previous experience as an assistant was the way it was largely due to the tight support network we assistants set up for ourselves. That hasn't happened here, I can say that I have a small network around me, which is absolutely lovley don't get me wrong, but considering that there are around 25 assistants living in and around Toulon, I find it really hard to say I'm happy the way things are when nobody has reciprocated the efforts made for everyone to get together since we all "settled" in and began our new roles in our schools. Maybe it's because I live further out from the centre ville than everyone else, but I can't help feeling that I'm being left out somehow (me and my flatmate who is also an assistant) - if someone wants to post pictures on facebook of a bunch of people at the beach in mid-October, then that's fine, but don't make friends with a person who could have also gone to the beach, had she been invited...

And then there's the homesickness that lingers still. Part of me feels it's because of the left-out sentiment that I have. Another piece of me just thinks I made a mistake in coming back to France - I was perhaps a little (or very) naive in thinking that the experience would be pretty much the same as before. "Lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place" I thought when I applied, which prompted me to apply to a different region with a different age group to before. I got half my wish, and the elements that have stayed the same are the ones that are making me happiest at the moment. Only the fact that I'm not living alone has been a change for the better. Anything else that has changed is making me very miserable indeed.

"A change is as good as a rest"? Like hell it is. And so I've cracked. I've bought a return ticket (very important that I stress it is a RETURN ticket) to the UK during the holidays. It cost me a fortune. But I think it'll be worth it. Going back to what I know should help me see what I have amongst the unknown, right?

Public Privacy

Oh how easily one's welcoming nature can be taken for granted.

"Make yourself at home!" "Of course you can take some fruit for yourself!" It's human nature to want to be accommodating and helpful, isn't it?

It's my human nature, at least. I do all I can to make someone feel at home, offer them food/use of computer/anything else they might need. I even offer the pearls of my wisdom with regards to how to make the little money they have left stretch until pay day, as well as sympathy for the situation. But I get so annoyed when it's thrown back in my face, without the other person realising it.

French TV is hardly exciting - the best thing about it is the weekly episode of Without A Trace screened in original version with French subtitles every Friday night at midnight on France4. So an increased urge to stick in a DVD is expected, unless you're the type of person to get excited by French people acting dumb on Wheel of Fortune or 1 versus 100, for instance. Now it's only natural that I keep my belongings in my room so that a) I know where they are, and b) only I am responsible for them remaining in working order.

In which part of "If you want/need to check your emails and I'm not here, I don't mind if you go into my room quickly and use my computer" did I say "If I'm not here and you're bored, feel free to go rummaging through my stuff to find something to entertain yourself with - be it DVDs, razors, jewellery or whatever"???

So, I'm footing the food bill for two. OK, it's not cheap, but it's a kind thing to do for someone who has "no money to eat". So where on earth does the money for expensive biscuits and even more expensive (and far less value for money) chicken wings come from every other day? Maybe I'm just being over-sensitive, but surely if one is able to spend 5€ on a bag containing 8 minute chicken wings and a box of 12 biscuits with a bit of chocoloate on them, one is sensible to spend those precious 5€ on 3 tins of chopped tomatoes, 2 tins of tuna and a pack of pasta (and still have change), from which one can make at least 3 separate meals?? Obviously they won't be gourmet meals, but all the necessary vitamins and nutrients are in there. Chicken wings and biscuits give you a bit of protein and armloads of fat. How on earth can that be justified?

I saw many a similar situation during my time at uni, people complaining of having no money, yet going out and buying things that they could absolutely live without. When cash flow is low (or at a standstill), you make sacrifices. You go without that bar of chocolate as walk home from town. You buy the economy range at the supermarket, and get double the amount for your money. You do all this so that you are able to survive.

Or at least I thought that was how it all worked. Clearly I am wrong.

Post Scriptum - I'm now buying my own food as and when I need it, and leaving the other person to survive by herself. Unless she decides to let me go hungry by eating the little amount of food I am keeping here. If that does happen, you will be the first to hear about it. And I'll be proved very wrong about my struggling student days being over...

Some can't do it without a ****ing Jonny

You may be able to sense my anger/disappointment with last night's Rugby World Cup semi-final result. Being a Welsh girl, I feel I'm entitled to continue the traditional Wales-England rivalry.

Firstly, I genuinely believe that England did not deserve to make it past the group stages given their performance during this tournament. Not that I think Wales should have progressed either - they played like morons too. But secondly, and perhaps more significantly, it really annoys me that the England team relies on one person to win them points on the back of which they win these matches. They are meant to be a team, yet only Jonny can honestly say that he does his job properly. When England won the RWC in 2003, it was thanks to Jonny's boot. And this time around, the team's success is thanks to Jonny's boot. Excellent "teamwork", England.

It's a real shame that France didn't make the final, the atmosphere for the final would have been electric all over the country had they done so. I squeezed myself into a tiny Irish bar with some friends for the match, and it felt amazing. The French are good sports, even when there's one person supporting the opposition (which wasn't me, just to be clear).

But, as is always the case when alcohol is involved, one crazy fool at the bar has to spoil the fun. Some touchy-feely idiot with one front tooth insisted on naming all the anglophone people he could think of, and I quote: "Alfred 'Eetchcock, Meechael Jacksohn, 'Arrreee Pottair". You get the idea. Fortunately, we were saved by some cute French lads who said something none of us understood following which he left.

So, down with England in the final. Sorry, but I couldn't cope with all those swinging chariots and victory bus tours around London again. Especially when it's so undeserved given recent form.