The thrill of the ride?

There are many things that we like. And many more things that we don't like. The pinnacle of discontent is in those tasks that we don't like but have to do anyway.

I am a great believer in gaining from our actions - be it on a personal, social or professional level. I just don't see the point if there is no gain involved. Now don't take this to mean that I want a certain level of personal satisfaction in everything I do. What I want is a certain level of satisfaction in everything I do, as long as it's satisfying somebody. It's when this isn't happening that I start questioning my motives for being where I am and doing what I'm doing.

Trouble is, the amount of dissatisfaction I seem to be facing on a minute-by-minute basis is surpassed by the satisfaction I get and see at the end of each lesson I teach. I have that side of things nailed, everyone is happy with what I'm doing and all I should be concerned with is jobhunting. Jobhunting should be the most stressful part of what I am doing and of what I will do in the very near future.

But instead I have to concern myself with educational research, critiques of teaching strategies and analyses of pupil performance in relation to those strategies. It is only this latter element that truly interests me, because it affects how I move on in the ensuing lessons. Research and critiques? Who gives a flying **** whether somebody thinks it's a good idea while someone else thinks it's bad? Who on earth can say they are genuinely concerned that there is little research and even less literature on their preferred teaching style? My view on things: if it works, great. If not, change it. Simple as that.

Ask any teacher (or any teacher I know at least) and they will tell you the same thing. The looks of complete amazement I've had off teachers who ask what is required of us lowly student teachers these days is something I should have photographed. And between us, we have come down to one mere conclusion: those deciding what student teachers should be doing are too out of touch with the demands of the education system to realise that living three lives in one is too much even for the most organised of people.

I wonder if society is liking the idea that people are turning to anti-depressants and suchlike in order to get where they want to go. Surely nothing should be made so difficult that it impinges on our health in such a way that we consider giving up just to save our souls? It would seem that those running the course are not concerned by it: "I would suggest counselling and a visit to the doctor who might be able to prescribe something to help you out so that you can put things in perspective." That is the latest advice I've been given from those above and beyond myself when I suggested that I may give up in order to save my soul.

Powerful advice. And something I am certainly taking on board. End result: unemployed, anti-depressant addicted oblivion. Who wants to employ a depressed teacher?