Arrested Development

So... developments Toulon end: my second American flatmate is moving out. She has been extremely underhand and sneaky about it all, I have to say, saying one thing when I'm around and then another to everyone else. She made out to me that she couldn't afford to keep living in this apartment, to which I was sympathetic given my own low monetary funds since I stopped receiving my student loan. Then she proceeded to tell me that she found it difficult to live with me sometimes because I give the impression that I want to be on my own and not to be disturbed. I asked for examples of occasions when this had happened, after apologising and stressing that it was not an intentional action, to which she replied: "Well, mainly during the week when you get in from school." Now, excuse me if my blatancy is in overdrive here, but isn't it completely normal that I want an hour or two to myself after being at school all day, having got up at 6.30am, left the apartment at 7.30am and started teaching at 8.30am? Needless to say, I got rather upset that she was insinuating that it was my behaviour that was leading her to move out whilst maintaining to me that the main factor is financial.

I then found out days later that her reasons for leaving that she had given to everyone else were in fact what she insinuated to me. She led our French flatmate/landlord to believe that we had argued, which he found rather strange because he finds me quiet and pleasant to live with (according to his girlfriend). I was asked if I could think of anything other than the reason she had already given me that might have made her mad with me, but I couldn't think of anything. Then, on Friday evening, K (another assistant) came around and she, H (French flatmate's girlfriend) and I think we worked it out. Turns out that she first mentioned moving out while I was at home during the holidays at the beginning of this month - which was just after the "rooting through my personal effects" incident, which I thought had been sorted immediately. Clearly it wasn't. So rather than respect and accept my displeasure at her having invaded my privacy, she took that and multiplied it ten-fold in her mind to the point where she believes I'm in a bad mood all the time.

Naturally, I beg to differ. Yes, I was unhappy before going home for that break during the holidays. But I came back refreshed and with a much better outlook on my time here than I had on the outward journey. And I completely refuse to let her tell people otherwise - if she can tell other people that there is a problem, then she can tell me. I was totally oblivious to my 'unsociable' behaviour. After the DVD incident, she knew full well that I am the type of person that prefers to air my feelings in certain respects. She clearly cannot handle my blunt, direct nature. And that, I'm afraid, is her problem, not mine. I did all I could to make her feel welcome and help her settle in, despite my own unease at the beginning of this experience. My efforts were clearly wasted.

On the upside, this weekend I attended the belated birthday party of one of the assistants and had lots of fun. And then on Saturday, I went to a semi-belated Thanksgiving dinner and had lots of fun helping with cooking the meal and getting into the Christmas spirit. I say Christmas spirit, as the whole day was identical to what Christmas Day is going to be like at home. I can't wait. It reminded me of what I like about Christmas: being around family and friends, having a good time and feeling happy. I was starting to become cynical as to whether the spirit of Christmas still existed, but thanks to this Thanksgiving I'm certain that it does. Now we just need to abolish the commercialism of Christmas, then the festivities will really have meaning for everybody. In that respect, I'm jealous that the British people don't celebrate Thanksgiving.

Refreshment Best Served Cold

And so having cracked and spent a week at home, beyond all (my own) expectations I came back. Unfortunately, I have hit a new low. Gone are the days of entering random URLs and seeing what appeared on the computer screen. Now it's all about the refresh icon, and counting how many times I have to click on it for something to change.

Another way to put it is, send an email/facebook message, then refresh every minute to see how long it takes for the correspondent to reply. In my case, it's an eternity. Not that I'm not grateful for a reply per sé, but in my boredom I find myself cursing people for having lives which causes their delay in replying.

I need to get a life. That's all there is to it. I am lifeless - socially speaking. I assure you all that I am actually alive in a medical sense (i.e. I'm not speaking from beyond the grave). But being skint and living in an expensive place takes its toll. And it's a choice between refreshing the computer screen, watching MTV programmes dubbed badly in French or watching Sky News (which I discovered is now part of our digital TV package upon my return to French land yesterday). As you can probably tell from the above, I choose option 1. Option 3 comes a close second, but hearing about the horrible things happening in the world in my mother tongue just makes me sink lower into the hole I've dug for myself (read: the hole I've formed in my chair in front of my computer).

I just wish that someone would give me a kick up the bum and get me doing something that needs doing. Applications for permission to foray into the world of employed people following this (up to now harrowing) experience need to be completed. I haven't even entered my name on a single one. Not that I have more than one to complete at the moment. I dream of applying for six jobs, in the hope that at least one establishment will take me on.

Reality is, I'm just too happy to click Refresh. As you may be doing now in the hope that what you're reading suddenly turns into something interesting.